I like it but I don’t like it
“I don’t like it and I don’t like it.
But I want to like it.
When I get education I like it.
But every time I like it, I don’t like it.
So when I like it, I like it, but I don’t like it.
And when I like it, I don’t like it, even though I like it
So I need my don’t like it to like it
because when I like it I don’t do it but I want to do it.
I don’t do it, but I want to do it
because I like it but I don’t like it so I don’t do it.
So now I need my don’t like it to like it
because when I don’t like it, likes it, I like it,
So now I like it and I do it.”
A paraphrased excerpt from Chris Okazaki‘s keynote talk.
Have you cracked the code yet or are you still confused? Chris Okazaki is a Japanese multi-millionaire, who I was privileged to listen to at the 2015 JTFoxx Family Reunion.
The link to Chris Okazaki is a youtube video of Chris speaking in Japanese – If anyone does have one of Chris speaking in English please do comment below. His English isn’t very good so many got confused by what he was actually saying….or was it that we had all just misjudged him?
At first, I thought it was just a bad Japanese translation but when the event was finally over and I had time to reflect on the events and the speakers I realised a great truth that has been shared with me in so many different ways.
Once you decipher these cryptic words you will understand why you engage in unhealthy habits and activities and how, if you so choose, you can turn your life around
To cut to the chase, Chris Okazaki was talking about the mind/heart combination and why people with a lot of wealth and “wellth” education remain poor and unhealthy, in spite of knowing better.
If you haven’t quite understood yet – let me illustrate this secret with several examples. The examples could be anything from:
- Giving up smoking because you know you will eventually die from the cancerous side effects
- Giving up sweets, cakes and other sugary food because you know you are obese and need to lose weight
- Engaging in activities that will allow you to be financially free because you know that your life will be much better without financial worries.
- Getting regular exercise because you know it will strengthen you
The big question is why, when so many people have all the information about their unhealthy habits, don’t we carry on doing stuff we know is good for us?
Understanding the outcomes of the mind/heart link
Now don’t misunderstand what we’re saying. When people understand the truth or have been to an inspiring talk, many make a vow or promise to themselves and people around them.
Today I quit smoking.
Today I’m not going to eat so much sugary food.
Today I am going to go the gym regularly.
And, many even carry out their initial vows…..for a few weeks or even months before eventually breaking them and returning to the familiar.
The table below summarises several “head wants” versus “heart wants” situations and the long-term outcomes.
|HEAD||HEART||INITIAL OUTCOME||OUTCOME UNDER PRESSURE||LONG-TERM OUTCOME|
|Wants a trimmer body||Eating chocolate cakes||Stop eating cakes||Will just have one cake||Will go back to heart|
|Stop dating psychos||Loves excitement of bad boys/girls||Dates normal person||Dates “psycho”||Dates or has affairs with psychos|
|Wants financial freedom||Loves consumerism and computer games or TV||Takes action to reduce spend and start business||Buying spree and TV or computer games||Buying spree and TV or computer games|
|Wants to exercise more||Likes TV and pubbing||Briefly goes to gym or goes for runs||Returns to TV and pubbing||Returns to TV and pubbing|
I use the above examples because the site focusses on health, wealth, and happiness, but it could apply to anything else like a burning desire to become a writer, a painter, a builder, or a sales person.
Excuses for your excuses
As this site focuses on wealth, health and happiness, let’s use the example of working towards financial freedom. You know from reading books and articles such as the ones on this site that you can have as much money as you want and be out of debt.
You know that if you work hard and smart and follow the principles outlined in many wealth manuals, you will eventually reach the goals you’ve set for yourself. So why don’t you take that action or why do you take action only to give up later?
Even though your mind likes the concept, your heart and emotional habits are used to going out drinking, or used to playing computer games, or used to any activity that doesn’t involve action towards financial freedom.
So even though you know networking with others at a property or entrepreneurial meet up is essential, your heart wants to rush home to watch television. In order to justify watching television, we make all sorts of excuses:
- It is raining outside
- My favourite television programme is just about to start
- There isn’t any petrol in the car so I’ll be late
- The people at the event are too clever for me
Once you’ve justified why you are not growing, your heart will also throw in a sweetener to your mind: “don’t worry I’ll start going to property meetups next week”.
However the real reason you don’t want to take action is because your heart doesn’t want to – even though your head knows it should.
This problem affects many smokers and people trying to lose weight. Their head knows what is right, but their heart gets more pleasure from doing the opposite.
It is a major reason why so many people start endeavours but don’t follow through. People don’t follow through because the action that will help evolve their health, wealth, or whatever, does not bring as much immediate pleasure as their default habit.
So what is the answer?
Get your mind and heart into synch
In order to change the habit, your heart has to want it just as much as your mind. This may not be as easy as it sounds. The main reasons for people taking action is when the pleasure from the habit is being outweighed by the immediate consequences such as:
- The doctor gives you three months to live if you continue smoking
- Your wife refuses to return to you unless you get help for your alcoholism
- You have so little money that you cannot afford to pay for that small present that would make your child’s eyes light up.
Now you are living on life’s edge. There is nothing like a good bit of fear or desperation to motivate people to action.
Deal with it before events turn for the worst. You must deal with your situations now.
Not tomorrow, not next week, not next month.
Start small, and, whatever you do, don’t go cold turkey. Only people with extremely strong minds are able to focus on replacing a bad habit with a good one.
For example, many people reading the articles on our site already know what they must do to achieve financial freedom. Unfortunately as soon as the journey gets tough they revert to their orginal habits. They revert to their original habits because their hearts still want to play an unhealthy amount of time playing computer games, watching TV, and do other non-productive activities which them so much pain.
The goal is to get your heart in sync with your mind. To replace unhelpful habits with helpful ones. The helpful habits are the ones that help you get closer to your life’s ambition(s). Sometimes those unhelpful habits have had decades to take root and grow in you.
Those unhelpful habits may even have been helpful at one stage in your life, but because their roots are so deep it is like trying to pull out a rotting tree in your garden.
So start small with a draft plan.
The draft plan
Create a draft plan. It is a draft plan because you will change and evolve it over time as your circumstances evolve. Your plan should include all of the following.
- Write down what is you want to achieve and why (no time frame for now)
- Live your life as normal but spend the next month creating a time map
- Find a small amount of time to replace
- Replace that time with habits you want to have in your heart. Focus on why you want to replace that time (ie the dream written down in 1.)
- After about three months, repeat steps 1-4 until most of the unproductive time has been replaced.
Draft plan components
- Over the next month. Make a time map. The time map should track every single minute and hour of your time and where it has gone. If your focus is on having a healthy body, then create a food map, an exercise map, and a sleep map.In other words, for the next month track everything you eat and drink and work out how many calories each item is. Track how much exercise you are having and what the exercise is doing for you. Track how much sleep you are getting. When? Where? How much?
- Find a small amount of time to replace Look for two to three hours a week to do one thing that will move you closer to financial freedom or whatever dream you wrote down. Those hours must be planned and stuck to. So write down the day and time that is immovable.This is something you must do. After three to six months of spending those hours on achieving your goal – increase the time to four hours and so on, until the unhelpful habit has been totally eliminated.
- With those two to three hours per week do what you need to do to get closer to your goal.
- If it is property, look at investing in a small inexpensive flat. This property is not a piece of land that you are going to build on, it is not a commercial block that you are going to convert into a shopping complex or convert to luxury flats. Focus on something small and achievable.
- If it is the stock market – Buy one share in Google or other blue chip company so that you can learn practically about the stock market.
- If it writing – Write and publish a blog consisting of 250 words for those two to three hours.
- At the end of those two to three hours, plan what you are going to do the following week.
- Once or twice a week, share with people who are trying to achieve the same things as you what you have done that week and what you are going to do the following week.
What you are doing is weaning yourself off of habits that are no longer helpful to you today and replacing them with habits that are helpful. This word “weaning” means to deprive yourself of something that your heart likes. So your heart will initially rebel.
The heart rebellion against the mind is why we focus on small achievable changes. If you make a change and after a while you return to your old habits, recalibrate, and try something smaller.
Due to the nature of this subject, this article can only give you an insight into how you can get I like and I like working. There are all types of techniques and barriers that we cover in many of the articles that will help you eventually align your mind and heart so that one day you will achieve everything your heart desires.
If you found this article helpful and useful, please do share it with your friends and give us a comment below.
In the meantime, here are several more articles from the JTFoxx Family Reunion event.
- Five essential Success Habits
- Cerebral Palsy, Paralysed, Blind and successful
- Why your best intentions fail and how to fix it
- Bleeding is part of success – A conversation between myself and Paul Kanofski
- Fear induced obstacles to success
You may also enjoy the following articles from our library.
- Five essential habits to reach impossible dreams
- Why do you hate yourself so much?
- How your positive affirmations hold you back
- Never Give Up – A short story from my property journey
- The truth about positive thinking
- 7 attitudes that cause success paralysis
- 5 more attitudes that paralyse your success
- 7 cures for self-sabotage behaviour
- Five simple actions that provide a major life boost